Yuuki left to her friend’s out in Oasis Spring’s after Johnathan came home last night. I didn’t blame her to be honest…she’d been in and around the house way to long – she needed to get away. Clary and Julian went to bed shortly after Johnathan had made his way to his room, I was surprised he hadn’t fell on his way up the stairs. I was feeling alone, and with Johnathan…obviously needing to talk I’d been dumb enough to try and go up there and talk to him. Needless to say..it ended in him getting pissed off and yelling at me and kicking me out of his bedroom, I guess I deserved it to be honest…I did cross a line I am sure…well maybe crossed a few lines.
With Yuuki being gone..I didn’t feel like sleeping in our room. Sleeping in bed with out Yuuki around was just hard for me, I ended up laying down on the couch and watching t.v. – after a few glasses of whiskey…it was probably a bad idea. With everything we’d been through…and that went on though..technically it was what the doctor ordered. Well…up until I was crying out in surprise as Ramiro tapping me on the shoulder making me fall off the couch. Talking so fast, as I was getting up and the room stopped spinning that I had to literally tell him to shut up…and slow down.
Ramiro: “Wolfgang…something is wrong with Johnathan…and he’s either going to need you and I.. or just the freaking both of us.. Get up..and we need to get upstairs now!”
In no time at all I was sober, this wouldn’t be the first time this happened. Growing up Johnathan would have random anxiety or panic attacks, or a combination of the two combined with nightmares on top of it. I didn’t need to know how Ramiro knew anything was wrong with Johnathan, I could already see it in his eye’s he was feeling or felt something was wrong with him. Jumping on the couch and over it Ramiro and I were bolting up the stairs and sliding to a stop at Johnathan’s door. Ramiro was grabbing for his key’s even before I told him to open the door, and was busting in tripping over Johnathan’s boots keeping balance amazingly while running over to Johnathan who was curled up in a ball, crying out in his sleep with his hands over his head.
Johnathan was in a dead sleep, breathing heavy, crying out. He was having all three at once, this wasn’t a good sign at all. Running I flipped on Johnathan’s light while Ramiro was trying to shake Johnathan awake, I started pacing back and forth thinking of something that would help. I ran to the bathroom and got cold water and a wash cloth I ran under cold water and went back to the room. It clicked in Ramiro’s mind in less two second’s what to do and took it from me and did exactly what Yuuki and I used to do.
~ I took the wash cloth from Wolfgang and put it on Johnathan’s forehead. I heard the glass get set down on the nightstand and heard Johnathan whimper in his sleep. I was trying to figure out what was going on with him, suddenly I got decked in the face. Shaking my head ignoring the pain Wolfgang had came in and taken a hold of Johnathan and told him he was fine…except Johnathan was still asleep when he’d hit me. What ever was going on in Johnathan’s mind right now…I couldn’t even understand.~
Johnathan had decked Ramiro in the face in dead sleep. The nightmare he was having …was obviously another one from something happening in his past. We never really got into Johnathan’s past, or what could of happened to make him have anxiety, panic or nightmares. When we tried to suggest maybe getting him on medications, he told us to f off and that we weren’t his biological parents. Something Johnathan liked to throw in our face’s daily back then…and seemingly still after he and I’s earlier confrontation.
The orphanage didn’t even have anything on him…or his past. Why would they? they’d found him on the step’s when he was only a few hour’s old. None of his anxiety or panic or even nightmare’s made sense to Yuuki and I. Suddenly Johnathan had relaxed in my arm’s..though breathing heavy seemed to calm down. I looked up at Ramiro..who nodded, I rested Johnathan’s head back down on his pillow and flipped his light off and walked out of his room quietly shutting the door.
It was going to be a long night, sitting down against the wall outside of Johnathan’s room like either Yuuki or I usually did when something like this happened I leaned my head against the wall. Even though Ramiro was here I felt like I should be right outside just in case.
~ Once I saw Johnathan relax in Wolfgang’s arm’s – I knew maybe the worst was over. Even in his sleep Johnathan sure knew how to deck hard..moving my jaw back and forth I watched as Wolfgang put Johnathan’s head back on the pillow and turned off his light and quietly shut the door. Something told me he wasn’t going to go downstairs though, he and Yuuki have been through this with Johnathan before…many times when he was younger. I put the wash cloth back on Johnathan’s forehead and sat at the edge of the bed, Johnathan’s hair was damp from sweat and he’d fallen asleep in his clothe’s. Putting my face in my hands…thinking back to our..his text to me.
“you misss me huh…funny ram. so funny i forgot to laugh…-“ I cut the thought off, he was right…I’d been doubting him all these years and I shouldn’t have. It was obvious he’d been drinking…sighing inwardly. I was cut short of my thought by Johnathan whimpering in his sleep again, and kicking out. Getting up I went and laid next to him, this just wasn’t normal and it hurt me to see him like this. Stroking his face and whispering to him..hoping he can hear me through what ever he’s dreaming…I eventually drift off to sleep as Johnathan calms down..~
***THREE HOURS LATER***
I woke up with a start, my bedroom spinning trying to calm my breathing. As everything come’s to focus slowly I cry out in surprise quickly cutting it off and back up, only to go flying off my bed onto the floor landing on shattered glass from sometime yesterday. Cursing out loud on impact and scoot back until my back hit’s my bedroom door while my hands get caught in what I am assuming are my boot’s from when I kicked them off. Suddenly my room is spinning all over again, and I feel like my wall’s are closing in on me, trying not to hyperventilate…I automatically try and follow my instinct and not panic as I get up and try and unlock my door. Finding my door was already unlocked I feel my hands getting clammy and see darkness closing in on me all over, I finally grip my door knob an whip open my door and run out.
I don’t get far, I trip over something landing face first on the floor feeling my lip bust open. Cursing out loud and look back over my shoulder Wolfgang is in front of my door, suddenly the room spinning all over again and closing in and I get up and find myself running toward the stair’s. Running down I slip and I find myself flying forward down the steps, I automatically try and roll so I don’t hit so hard only to land on my back and side and slide on the floor into the little table. The impact of the table sending me seeing stars, as the room continues to spin, the vase of flower’s comes flying down and even though I covered my face and head the best I could it hit’s me right on the side of the head shattering. I didn’t understand why he was here, why Wolfgang was there, I suddenly found myself getting pulled down into blackness..watching everything fade.
Hearing a loud crash from down stairs I am automatically jerked awake, I must have fallen asleep next to Johnathan’s door and slid sideways. Getting up I look, only to find Johnathan’s door wide open and Ramiro laying on top of his cover’s…but not Johnathan. I run downstairs only to find Johnathan knocked out near the table..where a vase..now shattered had been. Cursing under my breath, I run to Johnathan and make sure he’s okay. He had a cut on the side of his head, hearing foot steps behind me I look up only to stop as Johnathan stirs.
~ Slowly I let everything come into focus as the room stops spinning. My head aches, I look up only to cry out as Wolfgang’s face looms into view, my crying out makes my heard hurt more and the room spin all over again. I roll over onto my back , what the hell is it with everyone popping up out of the damn blue! ~
I didn’t mean to startle Johnathan, I didn’t even know I was that close to him to scare him. I guess I should have known if someone is coming to after what ever happened not to be so close to them. He flinched after he cried out in surprise and rolled over onto his back. I’m assuming maybe it was a tad loud to him compared to what it was to us, Ramiro had come downstairs, he’d probably shot off of Johnathan’s bed when he noticed Johnathan wasn’t there anymore. I know Ramiro didn’t think about it before he did it at all – Ramiro turned on the living room light’s sending a blinding glare ….not realizing just how bad it’d effect Johnathan at all.
~ Suddenly the room was spinning, and a blinding white glare. I found myself rolling over on my side. When I tried to get up I found myself coughing up blood and collapsing all over again. Everything was thrown into a whirlwind, spinning, closing in, I suddenly couldn’t breath. The last thing I remember hearing is “Turn off the light!” – “Johnathan…Johnathan? Johnathan!” before everything disappeared. ~
~ I didn’t know my turning on the light would send everything into chaos when I came down stairs. When I woke up and didn’t see Johnathan in bed next to me where I last saw him I panicked and came downstairs to look for him. I saw Wolfgang crouched down on the ground, and found out he was crouching next to Johnathan. Panic went flooding through me all over again and with out thinking I turned on the light. The light had sent Johnathan into a whirlwind of trying to get up, and almost as if back into a panic attack.
When he did try and get up..he coughed up blood..sending me back to what happened between he and I back at my house…when he gave me permission to beat him up to let go of all of my anger…I remembered him coughing up blood a few times. After that happened he collapsed back onto the ground, I got brought back to reality by getting screamed out to turn out the light and Wolfgang saying Johnathan’s name more than once. ~